From black hole to shining star

On June 11th at 11:11 a.m., a stranger messaged me. The universe must have known that, on June 12th, I would have a meltdown, and the one who would help me rise again was the person whose name had just popped up on my phone.

For the first six months of this year, I would wake up every morning wishing I didn’t exist. January 1st brought devastating news that shook my family, and I ended up seeking solace from a situation that had already shattered my confidence for far too long. On top of that, I was juggling two jobs and trying to be an entrepreneur yet somehow, my finances never seemed stable.

As winter crept towards spring, I sank deeper into darkness. Anxiety filled my chest and at an alarming pace, PTSD-symptoms such as panic attacks, flashbacks and nightmares returned to my life. Still, I kept thinking: “If I can just make it for one more day, one more week, one more month, then everything will be alright.” I kept practicing gratitude and feverishly repeated affirmations, but nothing worked.

Then came June 12th, and everything crashed. My spirit was broken, and I knew that something had to change. Fortunately, the summer holidays were just around the corner so I escaped to Madeira, where I hiked to the highest mountain and slowly started picking up the pieces. As the fog of past events lifted, the stranger who had messaged me earlier came into focus.

By now, I knew that his name was Luke and that he lived in Australia. I knew he liked the colour green and shared my passion for hiking. I also learned that he had gone through past struggles not unlike my own. We had a clarity call to see if his coaching would be right for me and despite my initial hesitation, I was struck by his genuine compassion.

I asked the universe for a sign, and for the rest of my holidays, the name Luke rained over me. In every book I read and every movie I watched, there was a character named Luke. If I listened to a podcast, there was a guest named Luke. If I discovered a new song, it would be sung by an artist called Luke (or Luca). I even saw his name written on a lamp post! The message was loud and clear.

Once I returned home, Luke offered me another clarity call and the next day, I sent him all the money I had at the time. My friends were skeptical. “What if he hypnotises you and then switches off the computer and you stay hypnotised forever?” one of them worried. “Don’t give him any information!” another one advised.

But I knew that if this was going to work, I would have to trust Luke completely. I would have to be brave, and vulnerable. My decision was not based on reviews or referrals, or even logic (in hindsight, I could have done more research). It was pure intuition. I was fully committed, ready and desperate to change my life.

And so Luke and I embarked on a 6-week quantum transformation journey, including timeline therapy and reprogramming of the subconscious mind, delving into traumas and underlying blocks. One by one, we cleared out negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt, and rewired my nervous system for positive emotions. We removed negative beliefs and installed new empowered beliefs.

The rapid changes were astonishing, and newfound joy fuelled my motivation. Luke sent me six digital courses to work on in between our sessions and after just a few weeks, I had gone through them all, surprised to discover that I had become extremely interested in neuroscience. Engrossed, I devoured any information I could find and filled notebook after notebook.

About halfway through, I unexpectedly fell back into the black hole that I thought I had expanded from. Only this time, I managed to crawl out of it myself and found that I could stand firmly on my own two feet. That’s when I knew that something fundamental had shifted.

The coaching program was not an easy process for me. There were days when I didn’t show up as my best self and there were days when I wanted to quit because there were past events that I didn’t dare to revisit. There were times when I felt embarrassed, and there were times when I felt lost in between sessions. There were, however, more moments when I felt truly connected, and I experienced profound love and happiness. No matter what, I kept going, knowing Luke would always be there to support me.

Step by step, my spirit began to heal. These days, I wake up excited to do yoga and see what else the day brings. I haven’t had a panic attack in months, and my sleep is no longer interrupted by nightmares. I can breathe more easily, and for the first time in my life, I feel safe and at home in my body. My confidence has improved and I feel more comfortable being myself. I worry less about what other people think and focus more on creating my own path.

I have learned how to set boundaries, proving that I can stand up for myself and make the right decisions. I now understand that it is not my job to protect others from facing the consequences of their own actions. I have found a strength inside myself that I never knew I had.

I have gone from feeling burned out at work to showing up each day full of energy. I feel a lot more comfortable in my teacher role, whether it’s teaching languages, dance or yoga. In January, all my yoga courses were canceled, but when I offered them again in August, they sold out within an hour!

Two years ago, I published my first book, which was followed by imposter syndrome and writer’s block. Now, I’m writing every day again, which feels fantastic. I have set new goals for the future and I’m excitedly taking steps towards them. My motto is “I’m happy in the present moment, and I allow good things to come to me.”

At 42, I feel like life is just beginning. This experience has inspired me so much that I have even decided to study hypnotherapy for a year. Perhaps helping others is the best way to thank the no-longer stranger who popped into my life and changed everything for the better.

Between heaven and earth, the ocean and the sky

Flower island, pearl of the Atlantic, the Hawaii of Europe... the volcanic island of Madeira goes by many names, and this is what drew me to venture here for a week at the beginning of July. While usually offering a mild climate all year round, Madeira's weather can be unpredictable. "You will get rained on," my guide book said and sure enough, as the plane descended, the raindrops danced on the windows.

Madeira's allure, however, extends far beyond idyllic sunbathing and leisurely swims. In fact, most of the beaches here are made of pebbles so if you're looking for sandy stretches, you may want to head to the nearby island of Porto Santo, where sand has been imported from the Sahara desert. Not a typical beach enthusiast, I had instead planned a holiday filled with activities, from climbing volcanoes and swimming in secluded lagoons to diving with dolphins and learning how to surf.

My main goal was to conquer Pico Ruivo, the highest peak in Madeira at 1,861 meters above sea level. Two days after my arrival on the island, a guide picked me up at 5 a.m. and we drove up the mountains to witness a breathtaking sunrise above the clouds. From Pico do Arieiro, our starting point, we hiked along steep trails to reach the top. Not used to the altitude and the heat, I ran out of steam fairly quickly. Nevertheless, I persisted, putting one foot in front of the other, ascending what is often referred to as "the stairway to heaven."

While the stunning scenery was certainly rewarding, it wasn't enough motivation for me. To persevere with heatstroke and aching joints, I had to tap into my inner strength, my Finnish "sisu." What also helped was seeing butterflies gracefully flutter around me throughout the hike. These insects bring so much colour, lightness and joy. As symbols of powerful transformation, they also remind us to welcome change without trying to control the outcome. At the end of our journey, we will inevitably emerge different than when we started. 

Unaware of how challenging the hike would be, I had booked a surfing lesson for the next morning. So after only a few hours of sleep, I headed towards Machico beach to meet Roberto, the surf instructor. We began with dry land practice, honing our technique before plunging into the water. "Only one thing is certain," Roberto said. "You will fall." And fall I did, over and over again. But each time, I crawled back up on the surfboard and paddled out to wait patiently for the next wave to arrive. Eventually, I started to make progress and managed to stand up for shorter moments. 

"Believe in yourself!" Roberto shouted as he gave my surfboard a push. "This wave has been waiting its whole life for you to ride it. The only thing worse than falling would be not trying." Encouraged by his words, I gave it my all and in doing so, wholeheartedly fell in love with the practice of surfing and everything that it entails. It may have been my first lesson, but it will definitely not be my last. I can't wait to return to the ocean, catch more waves and immerse myself in the joy of surfing.

Staying in our comfort zone is not how we learn. Hence, for my next day of adventure, I impulsively booked a tour with Joao, a guide known for his spontaneous approach. "I never make plans," he texted me beforehand, "so you should be prepared for anything." He picked me up at 7 a.m. and off we went, driving along the winding roads of Madeira. A native of the island, Joao brought me to mesmerising waterfalls, hidden away from the crowds. We swam in the crater of a dormant volcano, walked along the ancient levadas (irrigation channels), hiked up a mountain and all in all, had an enchanting day. Twelve hours later, I arrived back at my apartment, utterly exhausted but deeply content with a sense of fulfilment in my soul. 

As a final adventure, I signed up for a dolphin and whale watching tour with seven fellow travellers. Early morning found us huddled together on a tiny speedboat, ready to embark on our ocean quest. "Look for birds," our guide Natascha advised us. "Where there are birds, there will be fish and where there is prey, there will be predators." Far away from the shore, a flock of birds started circling our boat and soon after, dolphins were jumping all around us. What a delight! One by one, we were instructed to slowly and silently glide into the water, clinging to a rope attached to the boat and breathing through a snorkel. 

I waited my whole life to swim with dolphins in the ocean, and the initial moments of my experience were absolutely incredible. Then, the dizziness hit me like a ton of bricks in the head, leaving me gasping for air. I tried gesturing to the people on the boat, but no one noticed as they were all too mesmerised by the ballet of sea creatures. Panicking, I hit the side of the boat and Natascha finally pulled my shaking body out of the water. "You have vertigo," she said gently. "Sometimes the depth can trigger it. Give it another try and I'll stay close to you this time." With her reassurance, I put on the goggles, grabbed the rope, slid back into the water and swam behind the dolphins while Natascha held onto my wrist. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered, beaming as she helped me climb back onto the boat. 

A mixture of pride and relief washed over me. I felt dizzy and nauseous for the rest of the day, but seeing the beauties of the ocean was definitely worth it. 

On this trip, I came to a profound realisation - embarking on adventures is as essential for me as breathing. I may not know what the road ahead looks like, nor am I sure of my destination, but I'm willing to embrace the uncertainty and take chances. The path is never linear, nor is it ever entirely smooth. There will be moments of rain, and there will be times when I stumble and fall. But I never feel more alive than on top of a mountain or far out in the ocean. These experiences serve as a reminder of how insignificantly small we may seem, and yet how remarkable and interconnected we are. In the words of 13th-century poet Rumi: "we are not mere drops in the ocean, but the entire ocean in one drop."